BREAKING: Alabama Election Called For Roy Moore In ‘Historically Early’ Victory

It’s over, patriots! We did it. Roy Moore is the next Senator for thee state of Alabama.

While Democrat Doug Jones put up a tough fight complete with verified illegal votes and a campaign of libelous slander in which he called Moore — a patriot who served his country during Vietnam — a pedophile who visits child brothels and molests his constituents’ underage children.

Voters in Alabama are smarter than that though, and they showed up to the polls in massive numbers to support the man who is best for the job: Roy Moore. So many showed up in fact that while the polls don’t technically close until 7 pm, election officials have called the race for Moore.

“It’s unprecendented,” said Board of Election Integrity president Mark Colmes. “Normally, we have to wait till late evening to know who won but even if Jones got every single vote from here on out there aren’t enough registered voters who have been uncounted to make him a Senator.”

“It’s a historically early victory we may never see again,” Colmes says.

Despite his loss, Jones refuses to concede, saying he plans to challenge the vote count as it is “obvious that there may have been some tampering.”

No, Mr. Jones — it is not obvious that there may have been some tampering. You lost. You lied to voters and Alabamans will not tolerate that.

Congratulations to Roy Moore on this monumental win.

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