California Governor Signs Bill Banning All Guns

February 18th, 2018. This morning, California Governor Jerry Brown put pen to paper, and signed controversial bill SB 558, which effectively renders the ownership of any firearm, illegal within the confines of the state.

The bill, supported by Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi, renders it a violation of the law for anyone outside of law-enforcement or active duty military to possess or use “pistols, rifles or firearm weapons of any type”, with penalties ranging from stiff fines to jail time.

The Governor gave a sobering speech to onlookers about the horrifying recent events in Florida, and insisted that decisive action needed to be taken.

“As with human rights, marriage equality, and every other intelligent movement in the United States, California has always risen up to set the example. By ridding our state of these dangerous weapons, I hope to see other sensible states follow until every American, child or adult, can live in safety.”

State Superintendent Sandra Battatowicz confirmed that after the signing, weapons-drop centers will open in all local police precincts. Citizens have until July 1st of the year to surrender their firearms. Monetary compensation is being discussed by a newly-formed state panel. After the July deadline, law-enforcement personnel will begin canvassing the state, house by house, retrieving and confiscating any contraband with full support of California’s Attorney General, Conky T. Bagger.

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